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Within these pages you'll find QUICK reviews of some of the sickest, scariest and twisted films from all eras of the Horror/Science Fiction genre. There's a few things you should know before you get started. FEAR FACTOR: This could mean disturbing images to all around shock value to intensity of the movie. STUPID VICTIM SCALE: What Horror/Sci Fi flick would be complete without MORONS to walk right into a killer's path? We love em' and hate em', we cheer them and boo them, they're a necessary evil. SFX: Pretty obvious here, we rate the special effects of each movie, and take into considerations the time period of the film. Today's films SHOULD be better considering out technology, but that's not always true. LATEST REVIEWS NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR - 1986 - Directors: John Carr/Phillip Marshak I've often
criticized those who use the term "worst movie ever", but
this has to be the closet thing to it. The fact that there's slow-motion
break dancing already puts it towards the bottom. Basically what we
have here is God and Satan sitting on a train discussing the fate of
people, who are presenting in three stories. These "stories"
are obviously from other films as they are pieced together in an attempt
to make a short story. "Cataclysm" is one of the films it
picks apart. This is as about as cheap as you can get as a filmmaker,
to edit together a bunch of crap to make a bigger piece of crap. You'll
even see some familiar faces like Richard Moll from "Night Court"
fame. Now, having ripped this project apart, I will say that it IS indeed
entertaining, for all the wrong reasons of course. This film would be
great to watch with a group of friends and some legal (or illegal) mind-altering
substances. The film might actually make more sense that way. For anyone
trying to hard to piece this together, don't bother, it was put together
in an attempt to salvage some failed projects. BLACK WATER - 2007 - Directors: David Nerlich, Andrew Traucki Forget "Alligator",
"Crocodile" and even "Crocodile Dundee", this is
by far the most horrifying tale of the big lizards, because it's real.
Based on true events that happened in the Australian Outback, "Black
Water" tells the story of two sisters and one of their husbands
on vacation. They decide to take a fishing tour at a remote location
with a private guide. Things don't exactly go as planned and they find
themselves face to face (literally) with a massive crocodile. This story
of survival in a simple one, similar to "Open Water", where
there's little special effects but incredible tension. This in NOT a
creature-feature, this shouldn't officially qualify has "horror"
either, but it's more scary than most horror films, mostly because it
is based on real events. Nightmare Man - 2006 - Director: Rolfe Kanefsky Once again
Rolfe Kanefsky takes a miniscule budget and makes something from nothing.
No, this film is not great, or even very imaginative, but Kanefsky knows
his audience and makes the best of what he has. He doesn't come close
to his debut "There's Nothing Out There", but this one is
a decent little horror flick thanks to some strong efforts by Tiffany
Shepis and Blythe Metz. Both actresses are willing to do whatever it
takes to make the film successful, including some brutally rough nude
scenes, and I can almost guarantee there's no stunt-doubles. I'm sure
this one will be forgotten down the road, but for now it's a decent
B-Movie flick. Seed Of Chucky - 2004 - Director: Don Mancini It's really
amazing how far this series has come from 1989, there's literally a
generation of us that grew up watching this demented doll murder everyone
in sight. Now, Chucky has a son/daughter named Glen/Glenda, which is
homage to the late Ed Wood film "Glen Or Glenda". There's
plenty of other gags, inside jokes and special apperances that make
this film much more entertaining than it should be. John Waters and
Redman appear and Jennifer Tilly plays herself. Tilly deserves a ton
of credit here for completely having a sense of humor about herself
and Hollywood in general. You almost need to have a little knowledge
of the history of the series going in to get some of the jokes, but
then again, this ain't brain surgery. Put it this way, if you masterbating
puppets funny, you'll get a kick out of this one. Tooth And Nail - 2007 - Director: Mark Young "Tooth
And Nail" is a return
to the apocolypse movies of the early 80's "Road Warrior"
days, unfortuately this one's budget doesn't allow it to explore the
genre. What we basically have here is a group of survivors hiding in
a hospital from another group of cannibalistic survivors. There's some
good characters like Michael Madsen and Vinnie Jones, two brilliant
bad guys, but they do nothing more than walk around muttering bad lines
about eating meat. In reality, this isn't a bad film, it's rather entertaining
if you don't think about some of the variables, like "why don't
these people have more guns and weapons to protect themselves??".
Like with most apocolypse and zombie films, you simply need to shut
off your brain. In defense of the directors of such films as this, you
could spend the entire film explaining yourself, at least this one picks
a simple story and sticks with it. Not bad for an evening of mindless
entertainment. Eternal - 2004 - Director: Wilhelm Liebenberg/Federico Sanchez "Eternal"
is an erotic tale of sex, seduction, murder and eternal life. Detective
Raymond Pope finds himself in the world of Eliabeth Kane, who may or
many not be the blood countess Elizabeth Bathory. There's an eerie and
sensual feel to this film that give you the creeps, or turns you on,
depending what you're into I suppose. The hero Raymond Pope is a flawed
character, and Conrad Pla plays with him with such an arrogance that
it's hard to root for him. This unfortunately takes some of the sting
out of the film. They way the story is told is interesting enough, and
the directors bring to life this underground world of sex and lust,
but the characters are all too unlikable for the film to be very effective.
The character of Elizabeth could have been explored much more than it
was. Fans of erotica or even David Lynch will find more to appreciate
here. OUTPOST - 2007 - Director: Steve Barker A truly
scary film that may seem a bitch far-fetched, but thanks to some fine
directing and acting this one should qualify as a cult-classic. The
setup is simple enough, a group of mercenaries are hired by a mysterious
businessman to bring him to an abandoned WWII bunker in the middle of
nowhere. The action moves a bit slow at first when the soldiers first
discover the outpost, but you soon realize you're being setup for some
very disturbing imagery and claustrophobic terror. Director Steve Barker
does a terrific job with the lighting and atmosphere. Since I'm not
going to give the story away, imagine elements of "Predator",
"Night Of The Living Dead" and "Raiders Of The Lost Ark".
NO, it's not in any way the level of those films... but it is a very
frightening and well made horror film. DEVIL'S DEN - 2006 - Director: Jeff Burr You don't
have to think to hard for this one, in fact, the less you think the
better. Devon Sawa (Idle Hands) stars as a punk drug-dealer who visit's
a strip club with his buddy. Soon they discover the club is actually
a lair for a pack of sexy ghouls. This one is worth a look for cult
horror fans because Ken Foree of the classic "Day Of The Dead"
also stars as a sword-weilding hitman of sorts. Devi's Den is part "Dusk
Til' Dawn" with some elements of "Evil Dead" mixed in.
The material is not taken seriously at all, and along with Sawa and
Foree, Kelly Hu (X2) play the roles perfectly. They all know this is
B-Movie horror, but they all act like they're having a blast, which
in turn allows the viewer to have fun as well. Journeyman B-Movie director
Jeff Burr is finally getting to work with some actors that make his
pictures better rather than dragging them down. HOUSE OF WHIPCORD - 1974 - Director: Pet Walker The Posters
and promotion for this film are a bit misleading as they try to put
this film into the "women's prison" exploitation category
that was big in the 70's. In reality it's more of a thriller about an
old jail posing as a clinic that has actually become a prison for young
women. Yes, it sounds a bit kinky but the acting and suspense make it
more of a mystery, even the nudity is handled with more class than films
of this genre. This truly is a case of the lunatics running the asylum.
The elderly geriatric justice who once ruled supreme in the jail is
now blind and is being taken advantage of by the psychotic female matrons.
They have the women capture and bring them before the judge for trial,
convincing him that corporal punishment is the only option. They don't
get carried away with the actual beatings and killings, but rather with
the outside characters and the mystery contained inside the walls. The
acting is better than average, and even though a bit slow it's still
watchable today. DAY OF THE DEAD - 2008 - Director: Steve Miner Let's get
one thing strait, this is NOT a remake, although there are some slight
similarities. The main character is again a woman, and the character
of "Bud" is used again, but in a completely different context.
Personally I'm more protective of "Dawn Of The Dead" than
it's predesor. The Romero fans have unfairly ripped this one apart just
like a zombie tearing into flesh. The truth is that this is an entertaining
film. No, it's not a traditional Romero zombie flick, the undead in
this one are the fastest I've ever seen, but remember, this is 2008
and films like this are generally made for a younger generation. You
could say this one is closer to Uwe Boll's "House Of The Dead"
than it is to the Romero film. The bottom line this was a fun ride,
the acting for this type of film was better than average and even included
Vighn Rhames. Mena Survari (American Beauty) was strong in the lead
and overall the special effects were pretty decent. THE MESSENGERS - 2007 - Oxide Pang Chun - Danny Pang A very effective
thriller staring Kristen Stewart (Panic Room), Dylan McDermott, John
Corbett and Penelope Ann Miller. The story isn't overly original, it's
about a family who's moved from Chicago to North Dakota to make a new
life on an abandoned farm. Things aren't exactly as they seem, yes,
you've heard that all before, but the acting isn't usually this solid.
There's element of "The Birds", "Poltergeist" and
"Amityville Horror". There's no sexual content and barely
any blood but lots of suspense and some creepy special effects. It may
remind one of the Japanese horror with good reason, Oxide Pang Chun
and Danny Pang directed, they've worked on some well-know horror films
in Japan. Finally, a thriller you could watch with your parents and
not be embarrased by the gore and sex. NIGHT OF THE DEMONS 2 - 1994 - Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith Six years
after the cult-favorite "Night Of The Demons", this entertaining
sequel finally was made. Still reeking of the 80's, "Angela"
returns to torment a new batch of teenagers. Director Brian Trenchard-Smith
delivers the material with tongue-in-cheek humor and a very capable
cast, including Christine Taylor (Marcia from the "Brady Bunch"
films and Ben Stiller's wife), make this one very watchable. If you
like your horror a little "campy" you'll love this film. Trenchard-Smith
uses humor and copious amounts of silly gore, lot's of sex, and there's
even a nun using martial arts to fight the demons. Bobby Jacoby's (Tremors)
character gets a little preachy about demonology, but other than that
this film doesn't take itself at all serious. REPTILICANT - 2006 - Director: Desi Singh "Reptilicant"
director Desi Signh obviously knows what makes a good B-Movie action
film, unfortunately he doesn't have the budget to pull it off in this
one. Be warned, this is ultra-low budget, but does feature the capable
and buff Gary Daniels (Fist Of The North, Rage), who's kick-boxing background
has made him a B-Movie Action Star. The storyline about an alien, or
rather a guy in a rubber suit, running amuck in Alcatraz is constructed
well enough, but the special effects would only convice young grade-school
children. Daniels really doesn't go into action until the last fourth
of the film in a laughable fight with the "Reptilicant". He
does manage to lose his shirt so he can show off his six-pack. This
film is really a product of our times, they wouldn't make these if there
wasn't a market somewhere. Be warned, this is shot digitially so it
has that soft-core porn feel, watch only to be mildly entertained by
the pro-wrestling dialogue and action sequences. 30 Days Of Night - 2007 - David Slade A masterpiece
of Horror that works on every level. The story revolves around a town
in Alaska that is just entering their yearly 30 days of night when a
stranger enters town. Strange occurances and vandalism begin and shortly
after a band of vampires enter town. The rest is a scary, brutal and
horrifying ride that director David Slade crafts brilliantly. The vampires
are very frightening and menacing. Danny Huston rivals and one of the
most disturbing vampires in history. Traditional fans of the genre might
not be as kind as I am about the film, this in an updated version of
the vampire and the choppy camera work may irritate some people. You
can't argue that the cinematography and overall feel of the film is
amazing and the action will leave you breathless at times. Josh Harttnet
was a little young and pretty for the main hero but he was still very
convincing. The supporting cast was just as strong. To put this into
perspective, it's one of the few films I literally had to watch over
again as soon it was finished. BLOODRAYNE 2 - 2007 - Director: Uwe Boll This film
is even bad by Uwe Boll standards, who has become everyone's "love
to hate" director. He's known for taking video games like "Bloodrayne"
and making them into movies, often with scathing reviews. While I generally
have found his films entertaining with over the top action and stupid
dialouge, this film only contains the latter. His budget is a fraction
of the first film and there's very little action. And if you can sit
through the idea of Billy The Kid and his gang as vampires, you have
more patience than I do. This is the kind of film that really dissapoints...
you expecting little and you get less. I can deal with bad film-making
but not if it's bad from sheer laziness. DON'T LOOK NOW - 1973 - Director: Nicholas Roeg Beautifully
crafted psychic thriller starring Donald Sutherland and Laura Baxter
and directed by Nicholas Roeg. This film would be considered very slow
in today's standards, but the tension builds slowly and we really get
to know the characters and genuinely care for them. The story centers
around a couple who lost their youngest girl in a drowning accident.
Ironically they are relocated in Venice, Greece, where there's plenty
of water and images to remind them. They meet a blind psychic who claims
to have seen their daughter in the afterlife, but are things as really
as they seem? Sutherland and Baxter are both superb at their craft and
this film is DAY OF THE DEAD - 1985 - Director: George Romero The third
installment of George Romero's Zombie chronicles is perhaps the weakest
of the first three. Ironically he has the best effects and biggest budget
in this one, which proves that doesn't necessarily mean much. The story
isn't the problem, it's shot around or after "Dawn Of The Dead"
and follows a group of survivors in an underground military base. The
main problem I had was the casting and roles played. Romero's distaste
for the military is too obvious here, the soldiers are complete power
hungry baphoons. The actors are not cast well and the acting is so over-the-top
it's difficult to watch at times. Granted, I have no idea how I would
react in these conditions, but I know a lot of people in the military
and this is not a fair portrayal of them, even under the most extreme
conditions. The film has it's strong points too. There's never been
a zombie film that's dwelled this deep or taken the concept of living
dead this serious. They are doing a lot of research on the undead in
this film, which could be responsible for giving the "living dead"
concept some respectiblity in mainstream Hollywood. Storm Warning - 2007 - Director: Jamie Blanks Very effective
Austrialian thriller/horror film with a very strong supporting cast.
The story isn't original, in fact it's been done ad nauseum lately,
but it playes off our primal fears of getting stranded and held captive
by lunatics. In this one a yuppie couple get stranded and end up at
a farm house, when to owners get home things get get out of control.
Saying much more will give away the plot, but I must add that it's nice
to see a strong female lead, Nadia Fares is incredibly sexy and strong
in this film, I have no doubt she'll have bigger roles in the future.
Overall, this is a strong film from Jamie Blanks, who also directed
"Urban Legend" and "Valentine". Fortunately this
time he had much better actors to work with. Simon Says - 2006 - Director: William Dear The first
question you need to ask is what Crispin Glover is doing in this film.
Granted, he certainly adds a creep element to the film just because
Glover is, well, creepy. The story has been done many times over, kids,
the woods and a serial killer. The problem is that the kids are completely
unlikable, the dialogue is moronic and there's an overused element of
gore that's get's rather annoying as the film goes on. This one really
falls under the "so bad it's good" category and it's really
only going to appeal to a teenage mentality. Glover's skills as a bizarre
actor are better served in more unique roles than this, one can only
wonder what his motivation for taking this role is. 7eventy 5ive - 2007 - Director: Brian Hooks, Deon Taylor Your typical
teen slasher based around a game called "seventy five", which
means you make a crank call and have that many seconds to keep the person
on the line. They manage to piss off the wrong person and mayhem ensues.
The killings are brutal and in high numbers. The actors are above average,
in fact director Brian Hooks plays one of the main characters. If you
like the slashers, it's definately a good one. You need to put your
brain away, a few bits of the story are completely ridiculous but it's
not enough to ruin the movie. Completely suprising ending to this one
as well. Rutger Hauer has a small role as a detective but is only on
screen for a short time. Curse III: Blood Sacrifice - 1991 - Director: Sean Barton This third
installment in the "Curse" movies is not any way related to
the first two films, which isn't really a bad thing. The story is set
in Africa in the 1950's where a woman (Three's Company's Jenilee Harrions)
interrupts a Triabal ceremony. In return the tribsman conjurs up a demon
to get revenge. The beginning is quite slow but it turns out be a pretty
decent horror flick... much better than you might expect at least. Christopher
Lee give the film some clout as well even though he plays a small part. BLACK SHEEP - 2006 - Director: Jonathan King The first
know horror movie featuring sheep, at least to my knowledge. This one
should become a cult-classic reaching future than it's homeland of New
Zealand. It also has a new take on the old Zombie flick as well. The
story is nothing ground-breaking, man messes with mother nature with
drastic results. If you've ever been around sheep you'll know they're
the most non-threatening and skittish animal known to man, so to pull
off a movie where they're the main source of fear needs to be done just
right. That's probably why the same effects company used in the "Three
Rings Trilogy" was hired. Granted, the premise of zombie-sheep
is still silly and first-time director Jonathan King handles the material
with tongue planted firmly in cheek. There's a fair amount of inside
jokes, but just enough to be appreciated by Kiwi's. There's great performances
by all the main cast, especially the farm hand "Tucker" played
by Tammy Davis. He was used mainly for comic relief but he really seemed
to be comfortable in front of the camera. REEKER - 2005 - Director: David Payne Effective
thriller that pits a group of friends against a mysterious and twisted
killer who first appears as a horrible odor, thus the "reeker"
name. Don't let that hokey premise gool you, the scent is death and
it's done quite well, the effects and killer are quite effective. The
cast also does a good job, Scott Whyte plays an annoying but likeable
stoner and Michael Ironside always adds creedence to fills like this.
Overall, a good film with a very interesting twist and killer ending,
definatley qualifies as a sleeper. SPECIES 4: The Awakening - 2007 - Director: Nick Lyon Strait-to-video
sequel to the successful Species series that is surprisingly well done
with quality actror like Ben Cross (Hannibal) and Dominic Keating. The
leading ladies were also top-notch in the beauty department, Helena
Mattson and Marlene Favela. While the story lines were a definately
out of a B-Movie, the special effects and film-making were above average.
The action was fairly steady and there was plenty of sensual nudity.
Normally the sequel seems to get worse with each attempt but this one
managed to keep the series alive. THE LAST WINTER - 2006 - Director/Writer: Larry Fessenden A Creepy
film from the creator of "Windego" and "Habit",
Larry Fessenden. This time he has a very capable cast led by Ron Perlman
and James LeGros. The film is set on a base in Antartica with an advance
team sent to explore the possibilities of drilling for oil. The film
has a similar closterphobic feel as John Carpenter's "The Thing",
even a similar paranoia captures the inhabitants of the base camp. That's
about where the similarities end however, this is an entirely different
story. There's overtones of the current Global Warming situation, but
it's not overly preachy, one can enjoy this as a good Horror story.
Like his previous work, Fessenden make you think in this one, it's a
bit slow at first but stick with it. |
