TERROR FIRMER - 1999 - TROMA - Director:  Lloyd Kaufman

 This picture is for the Troma lovers only, pretty much, as others would be repulsed by the thing. Tons of gore, excrement, vomit, blood, bodies cut in half, dismemberment, tacky dialouge, and ex-porn star, Ron Jeremy, as of all things, a castrated mutant kept imprisoned in a cage. Get the drift? The plot, set to coincide with the release of the director-producer's book on his lifelong career in Independent cinema, deals with the problems of making a low budget flick, with added horror twists besides bad acting, poor budgeting and other real-life woes. In this film, a killer starts killing people for real, the old murderer within a murder film routine. This has been done before and frankly, with better results. In this particular case, however, you have all the Troma flourishes which have made their "so bad they're good" videos in the tradition of the late Ed Wood Jr, so popular. If you love what Troma does, you'll love this. If you hate Troma or are unfamiliar with them, you will either shut it off as relentless garbage within the first half hour or spend the remaining part of the movie, hugging your toilet, as you barf. It isn't something you want to watch while having a tv dinner on a tray. Excessive, bloody, grotesque and tacky, this is by all accounts, a true Troma production, maybe even embodying the ideals of this little company, which has reached an unexplainable approval rate among cultists over the years and as such, could prove to be a hit in spite of itself. It isn't for everyone. In fact, it's not for normal people. This is for people who laugh when a guy gets run over by a truck and gets his legs cut off or a former porno star is seen running around with a cavernous hole where his once legendary equipment should have been. You were warned.
REVIEWED BY DALE PIERCE

If you're not completely offended by time the opening credits are done, there's something wrong with you.  In the tradition of other Troma films like the "Toxic Avenger" series, this one is a pure gross-out of biblical proportions.  In the beginning, a serial killer rips the unborn fetus out of a woman, of course the effects and delivery are all cartoonish, but I'm still not sure that's really funny.  There's exploding heads, numerous fart jokes, people getting pissed on, ample nudity from both sexes, vomiting, and a guy who get's killed with a beer bong up his ass.  Kaufman stars as a blind director and a parody of himself and Troma, in fact there's shameless promotions for Troma during the movie. I don't recommend this one for anyone under 17, but Kaufman himself probably wouldn't either.  It you like your humor sick, and your gore extreme, this one is right up your ass, I mean alley.
FEAR FACTOR: 5  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  6 - SFX:  5

What a nice surprise!  Strait-to-video can be a hit and miss gamble, but this one was right on the mark.  John Ritter plays a down on his luck real estate agent who is losing sales by telling potential buyers the horrific stories while showing them houses.  It's basically a "Creepshow" or "Tales From The Crypt" type format.  The first story, "Nightmare" is about a husband who finds out his wife has been cheating with him.  He devises a play to get revenge by disposing of his wife and lover... but things go a little wrong.  The second story, "Bobo" was about a little girl (Katelin Peterson) who finds a monkey in the back yard and convinces her parent to let her keep in until they find the owner.  This is no ordinary monkey however, and the father, Bryan Cranston (Malcolm In The Middle) wages all out war on the little monster.  This one started off cute, but ends up completely nasty.  They saved the most frightening for last, "Come To Granny" is a disturbing tale about a young man with psychic abilities who is having premonitions about a serial killer called "The Granny Killer".  He goes to see a psychiatrist to warn her she is the next on the list, and even though you see the ending a mile away, the tension is still extremely high.  Is this the best movie of this style?  Probably not, but it left me with a maniacal smile and wanting to watch it again.
FEAR FACTOR: 8  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  3 - SFX:  5

This "Slasher" flick starts off with one of the most horrifying things I've ever seen... No, it's not the cruel joke they play on a freshman by putting a dead body in his bed (pre-med students), it's the fact that they appear to be drinking Schlitz beer!!! No THAT'S scary!  Jamie Lee Curtis stars in this one that is basically a "Halloween" or "Prom Night" on a train.  A group of college students boards a train and party like Rock stars while a killer stalks his prey.  This one might have been all right if it wasn't for some ridiculous cameos by magician David Copperfield, if he's so good, he should have magically made this movie better.  There is some tense moments here as the killer continues changing masks and outfits.  The last 15 to 20 minutes of this one saves it and makes it worth sitting through most of the stupidity.  Pretty low body count for this era, and there's more "after the fact" shots than actual killings.
FEAR FACTOR: 5  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  6 - SFX:  5

Giant Squid anyone?   You'd think a movie with John Huston, Henry Fonda, Shelly Winters, Bo Hopkins and Claude Akins would have a shred of dignity to it, but this is simply horrible!  Shot a year after the blockbuster "Jaws", it's an obvious rip-off.  It was directed by Ovidio G. Assonitis, who is also behind "Piranha II: The Spawning"... nuff' said. It's also known under it's Italian name of "Tentacoli", so it has the distinction of sucking under two names.  I'll give them a little credit, I did have to pick my fee off the floor once or twice during the squid scenes, but that's about the only nice thing I can think of saying right now.   I never DID like seafood!
FEAR FACTOR: 3  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  5 - SFX:  2

When the most entertaining part of the movie is a short clip of a midget selling papers, you know you're in for a stinker. The film has enough decent B-Actors to succeed, like William Devane, Cathy Lee Crosby (who's ravishing here), Richard Jaekel to name a few, but the writing and attempt at social commentary completely mess this one up. Perhaps the real problem is that this film trys to take itself way to serious, it's almost pretentious in nature, when in fact it should be treated as a low-budget horror film, maybe then it would have been completely different film. The plot itself is convoluded, but in short, an alien is going around killing people at random and the police are battling more with the press and the citizens of the terrorized city. There's very little action and a lot of slow dialogue. This could have easily been a made-for-television film.
FEAR FACTOR: 2  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  3 - SFX:  3

Definately a "sleeper" horror film from New Zealand, and by "sleeper" I don't mean boring. It may start slow but it quickly turns into a disturbing tale of revenge. A group of young adults take a cruise on a yacht, everything seems harmless enough until they recieve a distress call from another ship. They find a stranger on the ship who carries the secret of the Ferryman and a knife that allows you to kill and switch bodies. The acting was above average and the yacht provided a clausterphobic atmosphere of terror.
FEAR FACTOR: 8  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  2 - SFX:  5

THE GATES OF HELL - 1980 - Director: Lucio Fulci

Also known as "The City Of The Dead" this is probably the most unnerving film in the horror genre to watch. Fulci's use of gore sheer shock is completely over the top in this one. I don't think anyone can do the disgusting things he does, such as making a person literally puke their guts out. Sure, by today's standards, this could be considered a cheaply made corny film, but there are some scenes that will make even the hardcore fans wretch. The film's atmosphere and storyline are quite frightening as our fear of the unknown kicks into overdrive. The acting and voice overdubs are sure to be too much for the younger audience to handle, but somehow it adds to the overall disturbing nature of the film. Fucli does have the ability to create some good tension, even at the expense of the stupidity of the characters. Not as good as his previous film "Zombie" or the classic "The Beyond", but could be more disturbing than either. If somebody knows what the ending means please tell me!
FEAR FACTOR: 8  -   STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 3  -  SFX:  7

This film  has become a cult-favorite mostly because of the fact that Wes Craven directed.  The film is more annoying than anything as a family from California ends up stranded in the desert when they're vehicle breaks down.  That's not bad enough, but they're being stalked by a bunch of inbreed freaks.  Craven is basically re-creating the much more disturbing "Last House On The Left" which he had made five years earlier.  It is worth it to see where one of Horror's best directors got his start, but that's about it.  Craven's sense of humor comes through a little bit in the film, a sense of humor that would ultimately lead to "Freddy Krueger" and more recently the "Scream" series.  If you're squeamish about kidnapping, especially babies, this film will really make you cringe.  Part 2 was panned by critics, but was actually more watchable than this one.
FEAR FACTOR: 6  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  5 - SFX:  3

THE MAJORETTES - 1986 - REISSUED 1993 - TEMPE ENTERTAINMENT

This could be worst acting I've ever seen, where's Mystery Science Theatre 3000 when you need them.  I've never encounterd dialogue that states the obvious more thatn this movie, they try to explain the story in their conversations which makes them sound like a bunch of unrealistic morons.   The sterotypes of most of the cast are glaring.  The Reverend is way over the top, the janitor is a pervert and nobody seems to notice the way he gawks at the girls.   The story is pretty simple, there's a killer on the loose and he's slashing pom pons left and right.  The acting is so bad that when they tell the parents that their daughter was murdered they barely flinched.  These high school kids are are the most polite people you'll ever meet, now that's fake!  It's too bad the acting stinks becuase the murder scenes are actually pretty disturbing and the mystery of "who dun it" is rather interesting.
FEAR FACTOR: 6  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 8  -  SFX:  3

THE MAN FROM PLANET X - 1951

This one is custom-made for Mystery Science Theatre 3000.  I'm sure it was a great Drive-In movie in it's time.  The "Man" was an alien (obviously) who had a very large head that looked like either a whittled face of wood, or a huge carved dried apple face.  Anyway, there is a lot of philosophical questions here about alien life and what we would do or should do when exposed to them.  The plot is simple, the "Man's" ship crashes near an observatory and is found by a reporter and a scientist who save his life and gain his trust.  When they return to the observatory, another scientist decides to take advantage of the find and that's when things start getting weird.  It's obviously dated by the dialogue and overacting, but it's some fun harmless entertainment, they observatory is based in Scotland so you get some pretty funny accents from the locals.
FEAR FACTOR: 3  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: N/A  -  SFX:  3

THE MESSENGERS - 2007 - Oxide Pang Chun - Danny Pang

A very effective thriller staring Kristen Stewart (Panic Room), Dylan McDermott, John Corbett and Penelope Ann Miller. The story isn't overly original, it's about a family who's moved from Chicago to North Dakota to make a new life on an abandoned farm. Things aren't exactly as they seem, yes, you've heard that all before, but the acting isn't usually this solid. There's element of "The Birds", "Poltergeist" and "Amityville Horror". There's no sexual content and barely any blood but lots of suspense and some creepy special effects. It may remind one of the Japanese horror with good reason, Oxide Pang Chun and Danny Pang directed, they've worked on some well-know horror films in Japan. Finally, a thriller you could watch with your parents and not be embarrased by the gore and sex.
FEAR FACTOR: 2  -   STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 4  -  SFX:  2

This movie is so annoying and is so weird it's worth having a look!  You get the feeling Lew Lehman was trying to cram multiple stories into one film.  So what you really have is a story so ridiculous you're let wondering "what the hell am I watching".  Twelve-year-old "Jamie" is a boy with problems, the cover says he's autistic, but they never say that during the film. He does talk to his Teddy bear and has some problems making friends... oh yeah, he also knows of a deep hole in the woods where some sort of "Trolls" live.  Eventually he decides to lure those people who make fun of them to "The Pit" where they are devoured by the creatures.  However, this really isn't part of the story for most of the movie.  Most of the story is centered around Jamie's crush for his babysitter.  The real disturbing parts comes from his obsession.  It's almost like there were different stories edited together with no lead in or hope they would blend together.  If you rent this for one reason only it would be to watch Jamie wheel and elderly old bag to the edge of the "pit" and dump her in.  The ending is just about as stupid and nonsensical as you'll ever see.
FEAR FACTOR: 5  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  6 - SFX:  2

Show of hands... who have you have ever left a room or said goodbye to someone and uttered in your deepest voice and best Austrian accent, "I'll be back...".  Arnold Schwarzenegger made this line a part of our vocabulary in this classic thriller directed and written by James Cameron.  You'll most likely find this one under "Action" but the idea of an indestructible cyborg killing everyone in sight is pretty close to "Horror" in my book.  The plot is simple actually, a soldier from the future, played by Michael Biehn and a "Termintor", played by Schwarzenegger are transported back in time.  Biehn's character, "Kyle Reese" is sent back to protect "Sarah Connor" (Linda Hamilton), who is the mother of a future leader.  The "Terminator" is sent to destroy her and eliminate the existence of her son.  The movie takes a grim look at human existence as our own creation, the computers, have taken over and are out to terminate all human life.  "The Terminator" has very little lapses, it hits you with action in the first couple of minutes and doesn't stop until the final frame. Maybe "intense" is the right word as it's guaranteed to increase your heart rate to dangerous levels.  It was also extremely influential as it manufactured many copy-cats and is still looked upon as a ground-breaking film.
FEAR FACTOR: 7  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  3 - SFX:  7

Why does this movie still disturb me?  Could it be the opening where the announcer claims this is based on a true story?  Maybe it's the images of the dead corpses on the tombstones, or the news cast in the background referencing the recent reports of grave robbers.  All this happens before the opening credits roll!   Director Tobe Hooper created one of the most disturbing pictures of all time.   This movie will drive you mad if you let it.  For those not familiar with the story, it's based around a group of kids who pick up a disturbed hitch-hiker while passing through Texas.  The madness begins there and doesn't stop.  After kicking out their insane passenger, they meet up with him later, and his family of cannibalistic freaks.  Hooper's depiction of insanity is amazing as he gets the most of this cast and their limited budget.  I seriously never want to go to Texas... EVER!!  The camera work is choppy and jerky, but that creates a certain magic that makes this movie even more frightening.  I can honestly say there has never, or may never be again, a movie that jars your senses like this one.  The murders are primitive, brutal and demeaning to the victims.  The character of "Leatherface" is still one of the most well-known characters of Horror, even within mainstream outlets.  He is the epitome of the a serial killer, and even though the body count isn't anywhere near what they are today, this one still manages to shock the living Hell out of you.
FEAR FACTOR: 9  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  5 - SFX:  5

It's 12 years later in real time, 14 years after the initial killings of the first time.  Why not just make it 12 in the movie too?  Who knows.  It makes about as much sense as the rest of the film.  It's impossible not to compare it to the classic 74' film, so it has an unfair advantage from the start.  Tobe Hooper directed again, so you can only blame the creator for it's own monster, if you choose to do so.  This time around it's basically a gross-out dark comedy.  Has Hooper ruined the horror of the first film?  Not in my opinion, this one has enough gore and disturbing moments (like Leatherface and the dancing sequence) to still give you the creeps.  It also helped having Dennis Hopper as the a cop who's brother had been murdered in the first film.  Hopper actually acts as wacked out as the killers as he goes after them with chainsaws... apparently guns made too much sense.  I really think Hooper is going for sheer entertainment here, and there's nothing wrong with that, just don't expect the sheer terror of the first movie as the character are almost parodies of themselves.
FEAR FACTOR: 7  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  5 - SFX:  6

This was the worst idea in the history of horror, until the remake of Psycho of course.  This isn't as much a remake as it is a re-telling of the story.   Personally, I couldn't wait for these people to get hung up on a meat hook.   This movie went nowhere until two of it's stars Matthew McConaughey (U-571) and Renee Zellweger (Jerry McGuire) became big stars, then suddenly it was hip or something.   There's nothing scary about this, it's actually humorous, but I think they were trying to match the disturbing nature of the original film... it fails miserably.  Two decades and all the technology in the world couldn't match the sickening aura of the first one. The early to mid 90's didn't have much for horror, and this certainly didn't help.
FEAR FACTOR: 4  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  5 - SFX:  5

Rough remake of 1951's "The Thing From Another World" by director John Carpenter.   Apparently this movie didn't do very well at the box office, but over time has become more than a cult favorite, it's gone down one of the best Science Fiction/Horror films every made.  It has everything, a cast you that really grows on you, with Kurt Russell as the lead, a Closter phobic setting on an outpost in the Antarctic, and a monster that hides within us.  It's a matter of survival for the crew of scientists and researchers when an unidentified virus of sorts has infected the camp, taking the shape of it's victims and walking among the uninfected.  Wilfred Brimley and Richard Dysart (L.A. Law) are part of the veteran cast of accomplished actors that really bring the fear to the screen.  Paranoia can be very disturbing and Carpenter uses it to the max. Like all Carpenter projects, the action is intense and nonstop.  It's hard to compare this to the 1951 version as the effects are light years ahead of original, and the creature itself is far more sinister.  To this day it's hard to find too many films in the genre that are this damn good.
FEAR FACTOR: 9  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  3 - SFX:  8

Horror from Great Britain that has good intentions but doesn't quite come accross the way it should. It's a confusing story or a messed up family who's daughter comes home from college with her new boyfriend. Veteren actress Suzanne Bertish is the most entertaining person in the film as the horny alcholic mother. The story is confusing to say the least, but there's enough strange storylines going on to make this film entertaining enough but it's still nothing overly special. It's a slow start with a fair amount of dialogue, but the ending makes up for it.
FEAR FACTOR: 7  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  3 - SFX:  6

It's debatable whether this is a Horror film or Comedy, you'll find it in either section although I would classify it as Horror first even though it basically a parody.  They touch on a lot of the same subject that the "Scream" series does like all the cliches of a Horror film.  The story is based around a group of kids who go off to spend the weekend at their friends lake home.  One of the guys, "Mike" is completely paranoid and makes reference to Horror films until the rest of them tire of his ramblings and lock him in the basement.  The whole story starts to lose it's sarcastic elements after awhile which actually makes it less fun.  The special effects are laughable, I'm presuming somewhat on purpose although you can tell the budget was next to nothing.  I'm sure some people won't "get it" but if you do, you're bound to enjoy the majority of this film. And even if you find the story and acting to be bad, there's a good amount of nudity to enjoy.
FEAR FACTOR: 9  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE:  3 - SFX:  8

This "Slasher" was right in the middle of the plethora of films like it in the late 70's and early 80's, and credit's itself as being the first "Santa Clause" killer flick.  "Silent Night, Deadly Night" in 1984 would be the first to really cause controversy as this one didn't really exploit the Santa angle.  The formula is as basic as it comes, Sorority House, revenge, etc., and the killing starts within the first 10 minutes without any explanation.  The main character "Nancy", played by Jennifer Runyon (Up The Creek, Charles In Charge) is so annoyingly sweet and cutesy it's enough to make you nauseas!  The STUPID VICTIM SCALE is pretty high on this one, after they find their gardener dead, instead of getting the fuck out of dodge, they decide to stay the night with two hapless cops watching things. The phone line to the house was cut the second they picked up the phone to call for help...now THAT'S original.  It's a fun "Slasher" with some nice surprise scares and a high body count.
FEAR FACTOR: 6  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 8  -  SFX: 4

THINNER - 1996 - Director: Tom Holland

It's another Stephan King story adapted to film which isn't quite as much "horror" as it is mystery/suspense or science fiction. The plot is fairly simple, a lawyer hit's an old gypsy women with his car and get's off scott-free due to help from his buddies in the legal system. The husband of the old woman puts a curse on those involved. The story mostly centers around the lawyer "Billy Halleck" who has a major weight problem, and his "curse" which involves him slowly losing weight, or being "erased" has he tells his wife. This is a rather interesting twist as you never really know if Billy is a bad guy who deserves this, or if he the good guy who was just a victim of circumstance. The special effects are effective as we slowly watch Billy disappear. The scene where he confronts the gypsy who cursed him is very tense as he asks and finally demands the curse to be lifted.
FEAR FACTOR: 3 - STUPID VICTIM SCALE: N/A - SFX: 7

THE TIME MACHINE - 1960 - H.G. WELLS

MORLOCKS!!!! This Science Fiction classic is based on the H.G. Wells book of the same name, and featured the dreaded Morlocks, which still creep me out with their glowing eyes.  Rod Taylor (The Birds) plays George (H.G.) Orwell as the inventor of a time machine.  In his travels, he goes to the future only to discover man has been put it slavery by "Morlocks" who live under ground and feed on humans.  For this time period, the effects were amazing, and they still are fairly believable.  This one is clean enough for kids, despite the wordy dialoged and suspenseful moments.  It's cartoonish characters are easy to relate to as there's no doubt who's good and who's bad.  Maybe the easiest way to describe this is imagine the original Star Trek set's and stories, this one has that same look and feel to it, even the music and camera angle are similar.  This may be why it's still watchable after 40 some years!  There was a TV remake in 1978 that didn't hold up to the original.
FEAR FACTOR: 5  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: N/A  -  SFX: 5

TOMCAT: DANGEROUS DESIRES - 1993

This one falls somewhere between dumb and stupid.  Richard Grieco plays an annoying modern dancer who's dying or something so his girlfriend starts messing around with cat genes and fixes him up and, and... man, is stupid!  It's the HORRIBLE acting by Grieco that ruins this one. The plot might have been allright, man turning into cat, taking on cat-like characteristics.  Not exactly original, but hey, it might have worked if "Geeko" wasn't such an annoying pretty boy.  The "dance" scenes are so bad it's almost unbearable.  DUMB LINE:  "Hey, you're crushing my skull!" Delivered by Dr. Pace while is head is under the tire of his SUV while the Greico character is lowering it onto his melon.  This one is basically erotica with an attempt at science fiction, and it fails in both regards.
FEAR FACTOR: 2 - STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 5 - SFX: 3

THE TOXIC AVENGER - 1985 - TROMA

This is the movie that put Troma on the map, and bad taste has never been this good.  It's the story of Melvin, the janitor at Tromaville Health Club who is constantly picked on until a bad joke transforms him into a "The Toxic Avenger", a super-hero that fights for justice and the common man!  This is most likely the film that made B-Movie truly fun to watch, simply because it is so bad, basically on purpose.  The acting is so bad it's funny, and the effects are totally disgusting for the sake of being disgusting.  This movie gives Hollywood the finger by creating a super-hero that is nothing like they've ever seen.  Since then, there have been video games, action figures and a whole line of "Toxie" products.  You must have a twisted sense of humor to enjoy this as anything taboo is pushed to the limit, everything is to the extreme.  A 12 year old on a bike gets hit by a car, a blind woman's dog is shot and a young child is being harassed at gunpoint... ok, on paper that isn't really funny... but at the time... Anyway, the first time you hear "Toxie's" voice, if you DON'T laugh, you need help.
FEAR FACTOR: 2  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: N/A  -  SFX: 5

THE TOXIC AVENGER II - 1989 - TROMA

It doesn't get any more twisted than Troma, and Part 2 of the "Toxic Avenger" series is solid proof.  It this one, our hero is lured to Japan to find his father, in the meantime, the evil Apocalypse Corporation is taking over his home town "Tromaville".  There is some extrememly silly humor in this one as the slapstick is at an all time high.  In usual Troma style, they use cartoonish special effects and over-acting better than anyone.  There's enough toilet humor to last a lifetime as well.  They make fun of blind people, amputees, Japanese, women, men, children, midgets and anything else they can come up with.  There's be-headings, barfing, sumo-wrestlers and more disgusting imagery.  The jokes come fast and furious and all in bad taste.  There's some laugh out loud moments of disgust and dumb humor.  It's still amazing how popular this series was as the mainstream public would most likely be appalled by the deviant behavior.  Fortunately for Troma, there's sick people in the work like myself that seem to find humor in the sickness of it all.
FEAR FACTOR: 2  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: N/A  -  SFX: 5

TRANCERS - 1985 - Director:  Charles Band

Tim Thomerson is Jack Deth.  Yeah, it's a little hokey, but it's all in good fun, the official tagline says it all:  "Jack Deth Is Back, And He's Never Even Been Here Before!"   This movie starts 50 some years in the future, Trancers are Zombie-like creatures controlled by an evil criminal named Martin Whistler.  Jack Deth needs to go back in time to 1985 (WOW, that's the same year the movie was made!) to stop him.   Thomerson's "Dirty Harry" style is over the top and filled with sarcasm and cheesy lines.  Academy Award winner Helen Hunt plays the female lead in this one and would appear in two sequels, the last in 1992, the same year "Mad About You" went on the air.  Shortly after her days of B-Movies were over.  This is classic Charles Band in the vein of Re-Animator, Dolls, Puppet Master and others.  Take off your thinking caps and enjoy.
FEAR FACTOR: 3  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: N/A  -  SFX: 4

TRAUMA - 1993 -  Director:  Dario Argento

Dario Argento's twisted mind is in full force for this psychological thriller.  His daughter Asia stars in this as a young women who has escaped from the mental ward where she was being treated for some nasty nightmares.  With good reason too, a killer had decapitated both of her parents and was still continuing to stalk her.  The problem here is that's about all I got out of the plot, it's very confusing, Argento may have been trying to do too much here.   It starts off quite poorly, but does settle in to be a decent horror flick.   Even if the story is a little convoluted, Argento manages to scare and disturb with every murder as the assailant uses some sort of electrical medial saw.  The sounds alone of the murders are enough to give you the willies.  I recommend this one, but be prepared to pay close attention as characters are introduced, forgotten and appear later at a record pace.
FEAR FACTOR: 3  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: N/A  -  SFX: 4

TREMORS - 1990 - Director: Ron Underwood

You might literally find this movie under the "Comedy" category in some video stores although it's clearly in the Horror/Science Fiction categories.  Much like the monsters in the film, this one snuck up on a lot of people with it's box office and later video rental success.  You get great performances for an all-star cast including Kevin Bacon, Michael Gross, Fred Ward and Reba McEntire.  Bacon and Ward play a couple of handymen in the small community of "Perfection" New Mexico.  They discover a breed of prehistoric worm that's terrorizing everyone and everything in the area.  The concept of the "giant worm" is a throwback to the Monster movies of the 1950's, and director Ron Underwood handles the material with a light-hearted comedic twist. Underwood also manages to create a "Jaws" on land with these creatures and their are a lot of tense moments throughout the film.  Michael Gross (Family Ties) plays "Burt Gummer" a survivalist who, along with his wife Heather (Reba McEntire), have a stockade in the middle of nowhere full of every kind of gun imaginable.  There's no doubt the cast makes this film, it takes good actors to pull off sarcasm like this, and this cast jelled together perfectly.  Sequels would follow, but without their biggest star Kevin Bacon, thus forcing strait-to-video releases.  This however didn't stop them from being extremely entertaining.
FEAR FACTOR: 6  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 5  -  SFX: 5

TREMORS 2 - 1995 - Director:  S.S. Wilson

"The Worms Have Turned."  The sequel to the successful 1990 release is missing an important element by the name of Kevin Bacon, who had somewhat resurrected his career and was doing other projects.  Fred Ward and Michael Gross did return however, and that was enough to make this one very entertaining.  Much like the first film, this one is loaded with parody and sarcasm, and doesn't hesitate to make fun of itself.  This time around, Fred Ward's character "Earl Bassett" is called down to Mexico to hunt another spawning of "Graboids"... only this time they discover a whole new situation to deal with.  Michael Gross is at his best in this one as "Burt Gummer".  He has more guns, more explosives and more good one-liners.  In some ways, this one is more entertaining, it's a bit scarier and the settings are a little more imaginative.  Overall, a very strong sequel that doesn't embarrass the legacy, but rather ads to it.
FEAR FACTOR: 6 -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 3  -  SFX: 6

TREMORS 3 - 2001 - Director: Brett Maddock

"They're Baaaack!"  This is the official tagline from Part 3 in this highly successful series about the giant "worms" living beneath the ground in New Mexico.  Michael Gross remains the only consistent in the third installment, he has played "Burt Gummer", the gun-toting survivalist, in all three films.  This one has ties to the first film with Ariana Richards (Jurassic Park) reprising her role as "Mindy", and Bobby Jacoby returns as "Melvin".  I appears the budget for these films keeps going down as they go along, obviously a financial decision as the first 2 movies have grossed around 200 Million world-wide.  Gross was very very good in this one and made sure you didn't miss Fred Ward as the main guy in the first two films.  There was some great lines in this one as Gross's performance reminded one of Bruce Campbell (Army Of Darkness).  The humor was a little more juvenile as was the soundtrack and jerky camera work.  This one took the "Graboids" a step further and introduced a flying version of the creature that could fly by excreting gas out of their rear ends... in other words, they had to fart to fly, which gave them the nickname "ass-burners". 
FEAR FACTOR: 4  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 5  -  SFX: 4

TRILOGY OF TERROR - 1975 - Director:  Dan Curtis

Three dark stories of terror starring the lovely Karen Black, Scream and B-Movie Queen.  Black is actually the lead in all three stories which make the "Twilight Zone" look like a nursery rhyme.  Story one is called "Julie", which is about a young college man after a quiet and shy professors (Black).  The second "Millicent and Therese" was pretty easy to figure out, and the third and by far the scariest was called "Amelia".  This last story featured the "Zuni Fetish" Doll, which could have been a precursor to "Puppet Master" or "Chucky" in "Child's Play".  The Zuni doll is pretty well known among the Horror community and provided the movies creepiest AND funniest moments.  You wanted to laugh at the crazy pitched up voice and tribal howls and grunts put out by the doll, but  the chase scenes are so intense that it really is quite frightening.  Karen Black is at her best in this film, she has a very seductive way about her and that patented evil look that only she can deliver.  Followed by a very good sequel 21 years later.
FEAR FACTOR: 7  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 2  -  SFX: 4

TROLL - 1986 - Director: John Carl Buechler

The 80's brought us Gremlins, Ghoulies, Puppets and of course, Trolls.  This was fairly popular at the time, and with Sonny Bono and "Travis" from WKRP (Gary Sandy) how could you go wrong!  It's more of a Fantasy film than true horror as a family moves into an apartment building inhabited by a "Troll".  The little monster disguises itself and takes the place of the young daughter, who starts raising hell and turning the occupants into plants.  Young Jenny Beck is fantastic as the mean little brat/troll.  Michael Moriarty (Pale Rider, It's Alive III) is his usual eccentric self as the father of the family.  This film never takes itself seriously which really saves it from being ridiculous.  There's a lot of humor infused in the story and some fairly touching moments.  Julia-Louis Dreyfus plays a young actress in the apartment building.
FEAR FACTOR: 7  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 2  -  SFX: 4

TROMA'S WAR - 1988 - Director: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman

Ridiculous, overblown and damn funny parody of the 80's Action movies.  A plane full of Tromaville residents crashes on an island that's inhabited by a group of renegades who are bent on taking over the United States.  The action is completely silly as a group of castaways takes on an army.  There's bullets flying around like crazy but none seem to ever hit our heroes.  There's some very uncomfortable comments about AIDS in the film, but what else would you expect from Troma?  Ironically the terrorist storyline hits a little too close to home due to recent events.  There's some pretty nasty shots at Conservative America that are a bit irresponsible, but for the most part it's a harmless and fun movie.
FEAR FACTOR: 1  -  STUPID VICTIM SCALE: 7  -  SFX: 3

TROMEO AND JULIET - 1996 - TROMA

The Baron's of Bad Taste shake up Shakespeare with the shameless take on the classic Romeo and Juliet.  You know the story... or at least you thought you did until this movie came around.  The makers of "Toxic Avenger" use slapstick and disgusting visuals like nobody else can, in classic Troma style.  This style of film-making will no doubt offend a LOT of people, in fact it offends me quite a bit actually, but for every time it offends, it also makes me laugh out loud.  I had to rewind the "surprised cow" scene about 10 times!  There's plenty of sex, piercing, and passing gas to go around for everyone!  Debbie Rochon has a small role in the film which really has to be seen to be believed.  It's not really "horror" but the raunchy effects and twisted humor make Horror the best classification.
FEAR FACTOR: N/A - STUPID VICTIM SCALE: N/A - SFX: 3